Allow me to introduce myself in just five minutes of your time. Back in 2014, I was the most exhausted version of myself, worn out by the challenges of life. But don't worry, things got better. They got real good.
I'd been contemplating the idea that none of us exist in this life alone, despite the notion that we are born alone and die alone. That's utter nonsense. We all share this planet and experience life in profound, human ways. Even during the loneliest moments, there are others out there who deeply understand the pain we're going through because they've experienced it firsthand.
Recently, I stumbled upon a Facebook post written by a friend of a new mother who tragically took her own life. This post deeply touched my heart and served as a painful reminder of why I need to share my story. You see, I too once battled postpartum depression, desperately wanting to seek help but feeling trapped in silence.
The photo above depicts me as a mother of three, suffering through those challenging times. I used to take selfies of my exhausted face, almost as if I wanted to capture the weariness reflected in the mirror. I felt internally lifeless, a failure, and a disappointment to my younger, ambitious self. I was alone in Newfoundland, off the coast of Eastern Canada, in the midst of a bleak and foggy winter. I breastfed a baby while caring for my 2-year-old and 3-year-old, with my husband away in South Korea for work. I knew nobody and felt utterly drained and unhappy.
To be honest, most of those days are a blur now, erased by the mundane. But I do remember that I did everything in my power, giving my all to provide a happy childhood for my little ones. That was my top priority for years. However, something inside me began to emerge, chipping away at my sense of joy.
Nevertheless, I emerged from the grips of postpartum depression. The pure joy of movement was my catalyst. And now, I want to extend my hand to other mothers who feel isolated in the journey of motherhood. I want to help you reignite your inner light.
Postpartum depression is still heavily stigmatized, often associated with shame and embarrassment. It takes great courage to admit that amidst what should be the most precious time in your family's life, darkness can loom overhead.
Through these blog posts, I will share my approach to healing and rediscovering myself. I invite you to return, read, share your own experiences, comment, and spread love. If I can assist even one mother out there, I will feel fulfilled in my mission to guide another mother towards the light.
No one deserves to suffer in silence.
In motherhood and in life,
Marjaana, also known as Tiredmomruns