Introduction to Tired Mom Runs
You may or may not know me. Give me 5 minutes of your time and I will introduce myself. This is me in 2014. The most tired version of myself. Utterly exhausted by life. Don't worry. It gets better.
During the next few months, I will share my story and life learnings in more detail, but first I wanted to tell you why I am doing this. I have been mulling this idea about how nobody is in this life alone. Although someone keeps telling you we are born alone and die alone. Utter bullshit. We all share this planet together. We share life experiences in a very profound humane way. However lonely life at times gets, there are always someone out there who in a deep level understands the pain we are experiencing through first hand experiences.
A few days ago I came across a Facebook post written by a friend of a new mom, who sadly, devastatingly had taken her own life. This post touched my heart and was a painful reminder why I need to do this. Because once, I too, was in the midst of postpartum depression, fighting. Negotiating with myself. Wanting to seek help. But kept suffering in silence.
The above picture is of that mom of three, suffering. I used to take these selfies of myself, somehow wanting to document the tired faces I would see in the mirror. Telling myself how dead I look inside. How I felt like a failure and a disappointment to my younger, ambitious self. Sitting alone in the middle of wind-blown foggy and gray winter in Newfoundland, off the coast of Eastern Canada, breastfeeding a baby, alone with a baby, 2 year and 3 year olds. Hubby gone to South Korea for work. Knew nobody. Utterly tired and unhappy.
Tell you the truth, I don't remember much of those days. The mundane of it has erased most of it. But I know I made everything I could, gave everything I had to provide a happy childhood to my little ones. That was my high priority for years. But something inside me was raising its ugly head and chip away my bubbles of light.
At the end, however, I survived postpartum depression.
And now I want to help other moms who are feeling completely alone in the midst of motherhood. I want to help you to get your inner light back on.
I believe postpartum depression is such a stigmatized subject it is still very much associated with shame and embarrassment. It takes bravery to admit that in the midst of what is supposed to be the most precious time in your family's life, can be shadowed with so much darkness.
My approach to healing myself will be revealed through these blog posts. So please come back and read, share your experiences, comment, and share the love. If I can help one mother out there, I feel like I have accomplished my mission of helping turn another mother's life towards the light.
No One deserves to suffer in silence.
In motherhood and in life,
Marjaana AKA Tiredmomruns
Check me out on insta @tiredmomruns